


heart beats so slow

by seikou



Series: if you love me right (we fuck for life) [3]
Category: GOT7
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, M/M, Oneshot, confused feelings, emotionally constipated jaebum, i think. lol, i'd say it's only mild? hmmm idk angst is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 10:21:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5782537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seikou/pseuds/seikou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"and his stomach suddenly feels like someone forced him to swallow acid. he feels sick because he’s scared and his heart pounds loud beats of ominous song and he wants out."</p>
            </blockquote>





	heart beats so slow

there’s always a high that lasts longer than it should be. it makes one feel like flying, heart beating fast like a humming bird and emotions in tangles like nothing matters but the present; the now. then and there.

jaebum feels the high subside as he takes a seat in front of jackson and observes the blonde haired man. he studies his features. the pale skin, the puppy eyes, the button nose, the impossibly red lips, and his slender neck. everything that is jackson is-- interesting. he refuses to think of jackson as  _ pretty _ because he knows for a fact what jackson packs behind the sweater he’s wearing. which jaebum owns by the way. it looks oddly cute on the blonde guy.

sipping his coffee with an extra shot of espresso and enough sugar that it’s not so sweet, jaebum thinks of last night.

getting drunk is fine. jaebum isn’t lightweight. in fact, he doesn’t get drunk unless he takes a shot of something stronger than fourty percent alcohol. it’s some weird genes mutation or something. who knows. question is, what is the deal with last night? because he’s only felt tipsy, the world still sober and not even spinning so how did he end up with jackson in his own apartment and now in a café? jaebum wants answers.

but he knows the answers. jackson is a force. a magnet that jaebum can’t help but admire and when the blonde smiles, jaebum still squints because damn,  _ sunshine _ . although the jackson in front of him right now is quite reserved and jaebum tries hard not to feel uncomfortable. but he does anyways.

he does because he’s slept with a few people before and what he feels for jackson is making his heart thud scaringly loud inside his chest. he wants the feeling gone because this is serious. he’s never been  _ serious _ before.

so he continues to focus the conversation about jackson. despite what he’s feeling - the anxiety and the clenching in the pit of his stomach - he still wants to get to know the other. why? only his sub-conscious knows.

“your korean is good but i hear an accent.” jaebum says and he watches as jackson stiffens for a mere second before relaxing. he furrows his brows in curiosity and continues, “are you an exchange student or something?”

jackson sips his green tea, looking at jaebum behind sweater paws and with that huge eyes of his. jaebum finds it adorable,  _ goddamnit _ .

“or something.” jackson finally replies, smiling and his teeth shows.  _ bunny teeth _ and jaebum is ready to smash a table against the wall because jaebum can’t handle this human being “i’m from hong kong and is actually studying in the same university as yours.”

_ makes sense _ , jaebum thinks. but did he tell jackson where he’s studying? he purses his lips, thinking for a while before shrugging. maybe he did last night in between rough kisses and quiet moans.

“really.” jaebum says, eyes trained on jackson. he eyes the other with interest, anxiety temporarily forgotten in lieu of tracing the blonde’s features with his eyes, memorizing how jackson taps his fingers on his cup, how he darts his eyes to the side and then stares at jaebum for a long while, then looks down at his almost empty cup.

jaebum thinks of last night and the way he feels. like he’s hypnotized and can’t help but take jackson’s hand. like he doesn’t have a choice but drown in jackson. he thinks of soft lips pressed against his, hard muscled body clinging to him, and deep whining voice begging him to  _ take and take and take _ .

and his stomach suddenly feels like someone forced him to swallow acid. he feels sick because he’s  _ scared _ and his heart pounds loud beats of ominous song and he wants  _ out _ .

he looks at jackson who’s talking about something and seems to doesn’t mind that jaebum’s attention isn’t on him or maybe he hasn’t noticed yet. his hands are now moving along with his mouth and he’s eyes are bright and he’s so  _ full _ of expression.

and jaebum wants  _ out _ .

he eyes his cup of coffee, disgustingly cold and he looks at jackson then clears his throat. he breathes in. then out. clenches his fist. clenches his jaw. narrows his eyes. and relaxes his emotions. the wave of feelings calming, a comforting background in the back of his mind.

jackson’s now staring at him with confused eyes, blinking once, then twice and jaebum smiles tightly.

“i need to go.” he says, monotone, and witnesses jackson’s eyes zero in on him, loses its shine and gets veiled by a wall that jaebum doesn’t know how thick. he thinks it’s iron. and he feels sicker.

“okay.” jackson replies with a smile and jaebum can see it’s forced but he wants out and he doesn’t want anymore damage. “any schedule today?”

jaebum nods, eyes blank of emotions. “yeah.” he croaks out. “got some practice and studying to do.” he reasons and it’s not really a lie.  _ it’s not _ .

“oh, i see! the same here!” jackson is lively again but not like sunshine. his flame is dwindling. “thank you for the tea. and for last night, jaebum.” there’s a hint of teasing in his voice and jaebum relaxes his tense muscles.

he smiles back and nods at jackson. “yeah. thank you too. it was  _ great _ .” too great that jaebum feels nauseous of wanting more.

“well, uhm.” jackson stands and gathers his bag of dirty clothes. “i mean you totally don’t have to but i have to eventually give you back your clothes, right? so, i mean, you  _ really _ don’t have to if you don’t want to but here.” the blonde hands him his phone and jaebum stares at it. “your phone number. i’ll text you when i’m done washing your clothes.”

he really shouldn’t. jaebum can buy another set of clothes. and this is not one-night stand etiquette. nor is buying the one he slept with a drink but he already did that, didn’t he? he really shouldn’t but he keys in his number and saves it on jackson’s phone. when he hands the phone back, jackson is  _ beaming _ and jaebum narrows his eyes before looking away.  _ too bright _ , he thinks.

“thank you.” the blonde morphs his huge smile into a serene one; genuine and kind and jaebum stops breathing.

he nods and forces his throat and mouth and lungs to function. “you’re welcome.” he replies. “i’ll see you around, jackson.”

it’s a dismissal and jaebum feels like an asshole when jackson’s smile drops. but the blonde nods, waves and scurries away, and jaebum breathes a lungful of air.

the high he’s felt last night and earlier subsides. like a drying river on the hottest day of summer. he’s  _ out _ .

and he doesn’t know what to do.

**Author's Note:**

> *struggles to write a jackbum fic w/o smut cries* istg i'm going to abandon this shit because i'M SO CONFUSED lmfao i wanted to write in jackson's pov so you know, yall know his thoughts but this came like whoa so the jackson one comes next. it's done and i'll post it right away and there's more feelings bc why not. also, what is fluff. forgive jaebum in this. he's a weird dinosaur.
> 
> and i do title my fics based on song lyrics. they're not song-fics tho so yeh no. aight. im out. im like banged up sob so, enjoy!


End file.
